Since Derrick had the stroke, we both don't sleep that well. I think it's due to many factors. But each night as I lay my head down and pray for some sleep my mind just races. It is amazing to me how I still can't really wrap my brain around what has happened in our lives. Almost everynight I replay something in my mind and I can't seem to stop it. Well last night my mind got to racing and I started thinking about a scripture. My favorite verse really. It is what I like to call my life verse. You know the scripture that you kind of live by... Your mantra. Well I remember very clearly why I chose this verse. Way back in the day when I was dating Derrick and we were going to this church where they had a bookstore... Yes some of you know the one! Anyway I went into the bookstore and I saw this little card with a pin attached to it. The verse is ;
Matthew 17:20 You don't have enough faith, Jesus told them. I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible NLT.
was written on it. I remember thinking how could you not have faith the size of a mustard seed? That is silly. So it became my favorite verse in the bible. Many many years later I would be tested and then tested again. These first few tests well, I failed. I didn't have nearly the faith the size of a mustard seed. When Derrick went through the cancer scare, I was terrified. I wanted to run away - no faith. When Josie was born with two tumors - no faith, In factI remember just be so angry and yelling at God. Good thing I have a relationship with Him... Fast forward 2 years. With everything we had been through slowly my faith had grown. When Derrick was in the hospital in the ICU and still in coma. My faith wasn't the size of a mustard seed, no it was the size of the hospital room. This time in the trial something had clicked with me. I wasn't going to let things just happen anymore. I was going to stand on my belief and take a stand no matter the cost. Isaid out loud at one point, I will not stop serving God. No matter the outcome of this. I stood my ground in all areas. With the hospital, Derrick, friends and family. I was determined to stay positive, and know that the outcome could be nothing but good. After all, All things are possible with God. So I learned on a 10 year journey of Faith that faith comes by hearing the word of God, and trusting God in all areas.
Little thought for you all~