Liz knew me, she knew my inner most darkest secrets. As I knew hers. We shared some of the best times together and some of the worst times together. How do you say goodbye to a friend like that? How do you move on from that? I know I have a void in my heart that I have to fill at some point, but for now it just remains empty. To move on with life, wow, how do you do that? I want to just curl up and cry on mostdays, others I can find a drive to keep her alive by my living. I choose to do the latter. I choose to get up and to honor her life. I choose to remember all the wonderful and good things about her. I will look at the negative aspects of her life and learn from that too. (we all have negative things in our lives, eh? - I know I do) So I will take all things about her and hopefully make the lives of people around me a little brighter. It is not easy to do. Do I want to put a smile on my face? no I don't. I have two children at home though, that need their mom. They need me 100%. So I find that smile that I have somewhere in me hidden and I take it out and I smile. I laugh. I cry. I live life. My mom has always said to me "Life is for the living" it always irritated me when she said it (I have shared this story before I know!) but it is true. Liz isn't here anymore and as hard is that is to write for me it is the truth. She is in heaven on streets paved of gold. She has finished her race and got her prize. Eternal life. How do I know she's in heaven? Well we talked about it more than once! I know with out a shadow of a doubt that she is in heaven. I am so happy I know where she is! But life here does keep going. So I find that inner strength and I do the best I can each day to live.
If there is a couple of words that describe Liz and Foster together it is "in love". To see the two of them together you saw just how much they loved one another. As you can imagine this is a very tough time for Foster. Please keep him and both families in your prayers.
I know I will continue to write about my journey through this process.... I wanted to share the two stories I told at her memorial.
We went on a cruise two years ago with Liz and Foster. Some of the funnest times of my life were had on the cruise! We flew to Austin where they were living and they showed us the town. We got in real late (we had no kids with us!) and we were set to get up and leave at 6am. Well at 4am Liz came flying into the bedroom and jumped on the bed! She continued jumping on the bed until we agreed to get up and go! 4am!! She was so excited to go on the cruise she couldn't wait to leave. That is the joy and fun I will remember with Liz.
The other story I shared was that of Liz and I running the 1/2 marathon a year ago in November. I was talked into running the 1/2 marathon from another friend, so ofcourse Liz had to sign up too. A marathon was something Liz had always wanted to accomplish. Well with my two kids we didn't get to train together. So the day of the marathon we start out together and then Liz starts in on her pace - and she was flying in front of me! So she waited and was doing the whole running backwards and talking to me thing.... ok enough Liz I said you go on and run your race and wait for me at the finish line. The Seattle 1/2 marathon is not an easy run there are quite a few hills and it is pretty tough (especially for a newer runner) By the time I saw the last 200 yards I was so exhausted I could barely run. I knew I would be seeing Foster pretty soon (he had the camera) so I was happily looking for him while just trying to finish. I saw Foster and Liz was waving widly behind him. What she did next I will never forget. She ran with me on the side line all the way to the finish line! She had already finished her race, yet there she was running along beside me. Waiting for me at the finish line. She came around the fence and we both hugged and cried at the finish line. I like to think that Liz now has finished her race and she is up there waiting for me and ofcourse waiting for Foster.
As I go on in these next days, weeks, months, years I only hope that I can accuretly share her smile and joy with everyone that I meet.