June 21, 2007
It will be a year on Sunday. The day I died. A lot of things died that day in me. Security no longer resides in my mind. Are we ever really secure? The life we build for ourselves, safe, predictable, planned, and well thought through. Well all of that went out the window on that day. My life will never be the same. When I woke up in the ICU with tubes and wires all over me not feeling any thing on my left side of my body, for just a nanosecond I was disappointed that I was still here. Not really the Christian response but it’s the truth. As the reality of the effects from a major stroke set in, I new I was in for the fight of my life. I had just used up all of my fight in the fight to save my daughters life, when she was born with two tumor’s in her airway. This was when I realized, I’m screwed. This is it. I am now paralyzed and will not walk again or play with my kids again. Way overwhelming. At that moment I was not just paralyzed on my left side of my body, but now my mind was paralyzed, the only tool that I have to fight this new reality with. For two weeks I went through the routine of waking up being showered and cleaned by complete strangers. I was not even able to dress myself or use the restroom alone. I had no hope. Not even a glimmer. I had sunk down into this dark place where I was just alive without life. Many of us live in this place on an every day basis. It is called depression. As far as we can see there is no hope. The key is “as far as we can see”. I could not see Gods plan nor did I care to. I had become so angry and destraught that I threw everyone out of that hospital room and chose to have an “I’m pissed off party” for myself. About five hours into this party of mine. I made a choice. We have these every day, but this one would prove to be the most important choice of my life. I chose to fight. Fight with all that I had left in me. It wasn’t much but I gave it all that I had. OK God, This is it. Regardless of this outcome I love you and will serve you in whatever way I can. The choice was made my mind was made up. Let’s do this thing. I had the best sleep I had have since there at the hospital. I have had many people praying for me since day one. But that day was different. My mind was in a different place. I didn’t care one way or the other. I accepted my fate as handicap father, husband, and friend. As two gentlemen and my wife came into my room the mooring of July 7, 2007, and began to pray for me, I felt an indescribable heat and electricity shoot through my body. Could this really be happening? Is what is happening, be what I think is happening. Yes, it is. I fell to sleep after they were through praying. When I woke up I sat up in my bed by pushing with my left foot. WOW! What a feeling that was. So there I was sitting on my bed completely healed. Thank you Jesus! I did not win that fight alone. You see when I made that decision to get into the fight I wasn’t thinking that I would have a complete healing because face it, that doesn’t happen. Being a chaplain I see it over and over again. After a life changing illnesses you just learn to live with it. So when I chose to fight in my mind all I was saying to myself is ok there’s hope. Hope that in maybe a year or two I can walk with a cane or something like that. You see when we bring God into our circumstance’s his plan is always more than we can see at that time. What I am trying to say is GET UP AND FIGHT. I had no fight in me but God new that so he sent people to me to fight with me. We will always face battles in life. That just the way it is. In less we chose to fight we can’t win a battle. I have not always won but this fight I am winning because I refuse to quit. It has been a tough long battle that I am still fighting but I am not alone. Neither are you. In closing I would like to encourage you to look past your current problem or circumstance to the hope we have, which is we are not alone. Battles aren’t won by only one person they are won by armys.
Still fighting, Derrick Young